It occurred to me that the three cardinal emotions of slave in training – Fear, Humiliation and Frustration – inherently contain the goals of the training: Obedience, Humility and Devotion. My fear of future punishments makes me run home to do the assignment, despite my tight schedule; the humiliation of having to expose myself plugged, pantied and chastised can only be endured if it comes from a place of real humility; the terrible sexual frustration generated by my celibacy leads me to an overwhelming need to serve, bend, kneel, beg and plead at my superiors feet… It’s an inevitable process of sublimation and transformation of negative emotions into slave virtues. It is happening to me already under Your direction.
As i nourish this thoughts, lying on my back, legs spread, my hand reaches for my testicles… Perhaps am i surprised to still find them there, all this has been so emasculating. They feel so soft, so fragile, so small and… redundant. Yet this is where the constant aching frustration is generated. Wouldn’t it be better if they were removed at this point?
Your words come to my mind: “…until you are completely broken”…
I feel like i am standing on the edge of the abyss.