Domming – Dancing with the Mystery of Self

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Now that I’ve become a professional at what I do, people often wonder what it is that I

like most about my work? After all I have been practicing in the field for close to a decade now and the question comes up: what keeps me there? Don’t I get tired? Bored perhaps? Would I rather do something else, now or some day in the future? I asked myself these questions at various points in my career as well. And, while the answers are many and varied and have changed from one time period to another, there is one truth that keeps coming up as undeniable: I truly enjoy meeting people in a different, more sincere way than most life situations allow.

 

We tend to get to know other people in various social situations and the way we interact will depend on how and where we meet. If we meet someone in school, that’s one form of interaction, and it will be vary depending on whether it’s a fellow student or a teacher. If we meet at work that’s another, and it will vary depending on whether someone is an employee, a colleague or a superior. Even in our family life, social rules tend to be important – a family aims to be a stable environment where members, despite their closeness and openness, still have to play a certain role, husband, wife, head of household, and so on.

When someone comes to see a Domme, all of this is different. The nature of the environment and subsequent interaction is, for lack of a better word, raw.  The relationship between the client and me is, oddly enough, real, because it cuts to the core of the client, to his (or her) very essence, immediately. This is what they are there for. It is a relationship that’s free from social connections and their consequences, express or implied. That said, I should qualify this assertion by specifying that, of course, I do not claim or believe that our kinky alter ego is some kind of “ultimate truth” or boiled down essence of who we truly are: human beings are nothing if not extremely and wonderfully complex. And yet, what does make a major difference in the level of honesty is that our kinky role is not chosen by social norms or conventions. In fact, it defies them which is why it’s called ‘kink.’

This rather obvious revelation, however, begs the question: why would someone feel so strongly inclined to play a socially unacceptable role that has no obvious use for our survival? It’s a mystery. A mystery rooted in psychology, personal history, proclivities that make each person unique, and of which he might not himself be aware. All of which contains some kernel or kernels of truth that are so very interesting to get at, to dance around, to touch upon.

And that’s what sets apart mystery from logic. Logical, directional, practical thinking has the purpose of helping us to survive in the most productive, successful way. Mystery is there for seemingly no practical purpose…other than to make our souls smile. Which, of course, can also be regarded as practical indeed! Just think of a world which is absolutely logical, rational, mathematical, with each person confined to their socially-determined or personally-selected roles, how monotonous it would be. There would be no possibility of poetry, there would be no possibility of spirituality, there would be no possibility of kink either. For if to practice spirituality is to enter into a mystery, then to practice kink is to knock at the same door in a different way.

For me, mystery, spirituality and kink are almost synonymous. The erotic impulse originates in the deepest level of our psyche and it, in turn, seems to be a never-ending rabbit hole. It will never become routine, it definitely won’t grow boring, I will never solve this puzzle. Therefore I have been absolutely delighted with my decision to abandon my then-promising corporate career in favor of my current one. When I worked in finance, I would meet very similar people to those I meet now, but from a very different angle – a “politically correct”  one, logical and rational. These days I meet these corporate folks in a new way – unmasked, vulnerable, emotional, raw. I feel truly privileged for this opportunity and can’t help but feel amazed about how many layers of mystery are hidden beneath each person’s socially-acceptable, traditional sexuality.