What kind of submissives do I want to play with?
As a professional who loves what she does, it is important to me to deliver a quality experience. This requires that there be clarity between me and my clients. I too was green once, believe it or not. It took years of honing my craft and getting to know a variety of people before I grew to understand clearly what makes for a good experience (and, conversely, what doesn’t). This invaluable knowledge is the basis on which I select my subs. Please read on and, if you think this is for you, welcome to the club!
Get to know me.
I like to see those who take their time to learn about me. I have a website and a blog for just that purpose, I take good care to write some thoughtful blog articles so that my potential as well as regular clients can familiarize themselves with me. Why is this important? Because it identifies those who like to learn about themselves instead of taking their fantasies for granted. In more simple terms, instead of “Ok I have an itch (fetish or fantasy), I need it satisfied now, let me choose any hot chick with long legs on the internet” I prefer someone who thinks something along the lines of “wow it’s fascinating to notice I have a fantasy/fetish, I have a right to that, and I would like to explore and to understand it… ok, now that I’ve learned this about myself, I can feel that it’s more than I can handle on my own or with my life partner, I’d like to find a professional to explore it with., Let me investigate who this professional is and what she has to offer so I can find the best match, it’s important to find the one who clicks well with me.”
I like to see those who are able to listen to me. Seems rather obvious that as Domme I expect submissive to listen, but in reality this is not always the case. Actually, it very often isn’t. Sure, it’s easy to listen to your Domme when it’s within the context of your fetish (‘say Woof!” “WOOF!”) but what about listening to her when it comes to her preferred method of communication? And when it comes to logistics? Or when it comes to advice on how to deal with your kink? I’m not speaking of the extreme of fanatically doing everything I say. I find it important, however, that my submissive carefully listen to everything I have to say. I accept polite disagreements, but the rule of “first, listen” is a non-negotiable.
Be impeccable with your word.
I learned this phrase from a book called “Four Agreements.” A significant portion of the book is dedicated to the importance of being the master of your word as a guideline to harmonious living. It’s easy and straightforward: speak with integrity. Say only what you mean, stick to your promises. You can change your mind, but be polite enough to notify and explain. When someone emails me “looks like I’m available for a session at the end of the week, let me confirm my schedule and I’ll give a final confirmation by the end of the day” – and disappears for a few days, it’s a major turn-off for me. Or, during initial consultation, I am told: “my hard limit is only this, the rest is entirely up to you, do anything you want!” And then during the session I suddenly hear: “don’t do that, don’t do this, I don’t like it, do this and that…” These, and simliar failures to abide by one’s word, are no-go’s with me. If you don’t take your words seriously, there is little chance I’ll be taking you seriously.
- Respect my time.
I’ve shared a few times that exchanging emails and dealing with scheduling issues is my least favorite part of my work. On average I spend 2 hours a day communicating with clients via email, WhatsApp and texts. I plan to allocate only one hour to online communications. Honestly, I’d rather only interact in person and spend these hours meditating and otherwise preparing myself, which would contribute to better quality sessions. If I take the time to communicate with clients by email, I’d rather write something inspiring or essential. Instead, I am often faced with answering questions which are already answered on my website. Don’t be that guy! Keep things short and on point when it comes to emailing, stick to our plan once we have made it, and avoid any lengthy phone discussions.
Be unafraid to change and evolve.
I like to evolve, I enjoy being with those who evolve on all levels – personal, professional, kinky fantasies. I hate remaining in the same pattern, and I don’t want clients who come to see me to scratch the same itch again and again. Just scratch it, harder, please. I feel that the opposite of evolution is stagnation, rottenness, death. You either evolve or your die, there is no middle ground here. When it comes to kinky fantasies, I’ve been countless times in sessions where I was just watching the clock, bored to death of playing the same scenario, session after session. I had compassion for my sub, I knew he needed an outlet for his craving, but gradually my patience wore thin, as we were stuck in the same scenario with no evolution, no change. I find that submissives who have the tendency of repeating the same patterns are those who have found their comfort zone in other aspects of life too and are afraid to change. The different aspects of your life are not separate from one another, it’s all connected. Kinky fantasies often hold clues about your need for change in certain aspects of your life – in your career or intimate relationships for example. If my sub is fundamentally resistant to change and prefers to remain in his comfort zone, I certainly respect that, but our fantasy play will be affected – it won’t evolve past a certain point. Which is also fine, I respect that too, I just don’t want to be a part of it.
Don’t fully identify with your alter-ego.
I prefer to work with individuals who want to control their kinks, not those who let their kinks control them.
I like to meet clients for a consultation, and if I notice them constantly speaking from their subspace – this is a red flag. Also, If I meet someone who says that his ultimate agenda (not fantasy, but actual goal!) is to become my full-time slave, someone who sleeps on my doormat etc., this too is a red flag. I like to work with individuals with fetishes/fantasies/power-exchange needs, I don’t work with sissies/cuckolds/pathetic pigs. It’s very important for me to understand who I’m dealing with, and I like to deal with a human being, and if this human being doesn’t realize that his kink is not his true nature, we have a problem. I’d rather not deal with such a situation for the simple reason that in order to evolve and mature one needs to be able to step outside the box and see the fantasy for what it is – only one side of the self, a side which deserves to be honored but which can be transformed and evolve.
Be a radical soul who is not afraid to face its shadow.
Kinky play can be fun and exciting. However, it can also be sad and terrifying. I like to work with those who are open to different outcomes. When we make self-exploration a priority of our play, we can welcome all kinds of experiences, bitter and sweet. If I play with someone who rejects the challenges that may come up and only wants to feel good, this definitely limits us. It’s also a highway towards the neurotic path, because pleasures never last but, on the contrary, become redundant and demand ever greater doses to remain satisfying. I’m not a drug dealer and don’t want to keep delivering higher doses. I’d much rather investigate the root of your longing, which can be a challenging experience. Are you ready for that? If so, I welcome you as my submissive!
Now you know how to impress me. I feel that these are very useful qualities that contribute to an inspiring playtime together. As you’ve probably heard, it takes two to tango, which is why I’d like to attract the best possible submissives to create insightful and powerful experiences.