Recently I’ve been asked by many what I enjoy the most about kink. My answer was that it varies, I enjoy different things at different times with different partners.

However, when I got a chance to spend some time alone while traveling in India, I was able to dig deeper into myself and find a more specific, genuine answer: I search for alternative states of consciousness.

Since I was a teenager, I have hated shallow conversations and small talk. I have always been craving the deepest truth about things, while surface conversations felt like a waste of time. I couldn’t stand American corporate culture during my office years, it was one of the many reasons why I finally quit it.

Once I engaged in kink, I saw it as a great opportunity to engage deeper with people.

There are many reasons to pursue altered states of consciousness: relaxation, hyper-focus on a sensation, reaching sub/top space, feeling emotions fully, having a wild ride, seeking change, personal identity work, healing, embracing our authentic self, trusting our instincts, and so on. How many of us don’t get enough of this in our lives?

So if this topic is of interest to you, let me share some insights on what it takes to create a perfect journey for both of us!

1. Negotiation. 

This is where it all starts – building trust.

I believe there are two major components – proper communication, and surrender. Each is challenging in its own way.

Negotiation is a key for safe, satisfactory, and extraordinary experience for everyone involved. For me as a Domme, it is necessary to understand desires and fantasies of my submissives, their mental and emotional state, physical health, hard limits, experience, etc. It is also important that subs do their homework to get to know the same info about me. I don’t like seeing new subs who wanted to see just any Domme, or “that hot chick in a photo”. I want them to read my blog and really choose me.

I like to ask my submissives why they want to do it. The most common answer I hear is “because it’s fun!”. I ask to dig deeper and see what’s there behind this “fun”, and if there is any curiosity to find out.

Not everyone comes to these practices for the same reasons, so for me it’s important to find out the primary motivation in order to establish proper connection with a client.

2. Surrender. 

After the negotiation is over, it’s time to step out of our day-to-day analytical mind and surrender. This demands vulnerability. It is scary, but since one is called to be a sub, there is a great potential to make it happen. If my sub is unwilling to surrender, I have little power to make him vulnerable.  My power only extends as far as does my sub’s willingness to be vulnerable. In other words, to let me in, you have to bring your guard down. A sub must be able to come forward naked and ready to obey.

There comes a moment when a submissive finds himself raw, exposed, unguarded, defenseless. Many subs are scared of losing control in this surrender. That, however, is the whole point! Once it happens, one finds that nothing important is lost, but a great sense of relaxation, trust, awareness and profound bliss are found.

Of course, it takes great courage to completely and irrationally trust someone. There is always some fear – fear of journey with no map, fear of no longer having “my way”, fear of not being good enough. It is completely OK to have fear and not to be perfect, and this takes me to the next point.

3. Authenticity. 

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being authentic.

I often explain to my submissives that no judgements/planning/manipulation are allowed during my sessions. The only freedom they have is freedom to express emotions: tears, laughter, screaming, and so on. I explain that emotions are a part of our authenticity, while mental judgements derive from our fears and social conditioning.

Becoming authentic is how the soul shows itself. Embracing our authentic self means trusting our instincts and sharing our feelings. It is removing the clutter, clearing away the debris and knowing ourselves.

I challenge my submissives to look into themselves, their dark places, as well as blissful ones, as all are important.

4. Let go of the agenda.

“Instead of chasing bliss, consider learning to become a vessel for bliss to reside in” 

— Lee Harrington, “Sacred Kink”.

If you’re thinking about what might come, most likely it will never show up.

I must admit that for me as a Guide, it took a while to realize the importance of letting go of a direct agenda of what should happen. These days, I like to have all tools available in a room, stay present and let my intuition guide me.

In my experience, I noticed a very common pattern: submissives who once had a  profound cathartic experience expect it to happen again the same way, or even better. This is a sure path to disappointment. I had to dismiss a few of my clients because they couldn’t give up their expectations, which wasn’t contributing to a rewarding experience for either of us.

There is no way to know each and every time you engage in a play, that you will have a profound experience. Spiritual moments don’t follow linear logical patterns, but there are skills to develop which will aid to success.

The first one is learning to surrender to the experience without analyzing it while it’s happening. Going back into your analytical brain is one of the quickest ways to stop an altered state.

The next skill is becoming fully committed to receiving, or saying “Yes!” to a journey of joyful surrender.

Sometimes the experience wanted by an active mind of a submissive is not what will serve best in the moment or in the long term.

It is important to remember: just because it wasn’t a profound experience, doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good trip. You (or your Domme) did not “do it wrong”. In fact, you may have done it just right, had a fun evening and gained some feedback for next time!

5. Aftercare.

I must confess that I hate seeing my submissives rushing to check their phones and out of the dungeon to work right after an intense inner journey. Unfortunately, that’s often the case as many of my clients are very busy business people, allocating only an hour of their lunchtime for our play.

That’s one of the reasons I prefer longer sessions – this allows time for communication beforehand and unrushed transitions from introduction to session to aftercare.

I find aftercare to be an important transition to a grounded place after engaging in a scene. The needs of individuals, however, vary dramatically. Some need a glass of water, shower, or a hug, others want a deeper processing and talking it out, some prefer spending time alone contemplating. I find it important not to rush out after the scene and have time for assistance coming “back” or getting out of altered states of consciousness. I understand that this work is not a light undertaking for anyone involved and can have effects for days to come or even years. I do my best to be emotionally available after guiding someone into a deep inner journey, and like to follow up the next day.

I can’t force someone into being gentle with oneself after a deep experience. I can just share what years in the scene showed me: the value of the experience diminishes if one rushes into a busy life without allowing some time for relaxation and contemplation.

By breaking the boundaries of ordinary reality through our explorations of kink, we have the power to step out of normal and into the altered, extraordinary. Dungeon culture prioritizes acceptance of all people, feminine power, beauty, safety and pleasure. Kink gives opportunities for different frames of reference, with a potential to having an epiphany about life.

I enjoy my work, there is so much joy in seeing individuals find fragments of themselves in the shadows of my dungeon. There is so much to learn, for myself and for my submissives.

For me, it’s not about the tools I use or fetishes I get to explore, but the intent that is put behind it.

As I shifted the focus of my sessions into conscious exploration of our shadow selves and facilitation of altered states of consciousness, I realized that not everyone is capable to be my submissive. I’ve made it clear that topping from the bottom or any kind of manipulation is not allowed, however many new clients bring along some other socially inherited qualities which are not productive. The common ones are expectation of too much pleasure, inability to leave aside analytical mind or emotional inaccessibility. I like to be honest upfront about clients I like to see.

I enjoy being spontaneous while exploring different archetypes and leading my submissives in a less traveled direction.

My work is ever evolving. In consciously being a Domme, I’m continuously mastering my craft.

“Men are born soft and supple; dead they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry. Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.”
Lao Tzu

There is definitely strength in weakness. Unfortunately, we’re conditioned to believe that we’ll suffer less if we hold our feelings rigidly. We’re afraid of giving in to suffering – weeping and screaming. We’re ashamed of pain because we’re taught that giving in to pain is unmanly, sissy. While a woman in tears is a socially acceptable phenomenon, men are taught to always suppress their emotions, even during the most intense moments.

Let’s look more closely at pain and suffering. Where do they start? They start with fear. The very essence of suffering is the fear of suffering itself. As an extreme sports athlete, I’m very familiar with fear. The most common question I am asked is, Aren’t you scared of jumping off a cliff? Yes, of course I’m scared! I’m terrified every single time! How do I deal with it? I transform my fear into something beautiful.

Check this out: A careful observation of sensations accompanying being scared – creepy feeling up the spine, hollow feeling in the stomach and clammy hands. That’s about it. Interesting to notice: there are same sensations when we have a very positive emotion of excitement. Same sensations, but we’re interpreting them differently because of a different context.

We cry when we are sad and we cry when we’re overwhelmed with joy. Exactly the same tears, the same physical sensations, but what a difference context makes! In fact, if you were to see your face while you experience orgasm, you wouldn’t be able to tell if you were in pleasure or in pain.

What I’m driving at is that there is a point at which fear or pain, experienced without any negative interpretation, become converted into ecstasy. Such experience becomes a way of going through subtle or extraordinary sensations which have no meaning of their own.

The profound Buddhist solution to the problem of human pain, whether it is physical or emotional, is to delve right into it. The idea is to look at unadorned reality – free of any context and preconceptions. Stop resisting pain and go to the bottom of it. Drop the mind and see reality — direct, immediate, face to face. And there is no problem.

If you interpret pain as something that is destroying you, then it’s indeed terrifying. For example, let’s consider the most painful and frightening scenario – torture. The worst part of torture is the beginning. When the victim fears that something very bad is about to happen, like there is a darkness that will defeat the light…

However, as the torture progresses, the victim’s response to it slowly changes to a kind of drunken masochistic giving in, like it’s something he cooperates with. That’s when the torturer knows that there is no point in continuing.

In the context of a BDSM session, a big part of my work is assisting my clients to access their vulnerability and guiding them through pain. A classic scenario: a powerful corporate executive, naked and bent over in an uncomfortable and helpless position. Such an internal conflict when his socially-constructed image doesn’t match his present situation! I love seeing him stripped of his dignity!

I make sure he is restrained so there is no way he can protect himself. He sees me grabbing a cane, and he’s not sure exactly how he is to be tortured. He’s scared. He is very humiliated and knows it will hurt. What he needs is to truly believe he is not in control anymore, so he can finally surrender and fly.

It is the fear of pain that cripples him. Once he stops resisting pain and drops his preconceptions, there is no more fear. In fact, he gets rock hard, which is nice physical evidence of the fact that that pain was only one step away from excitement. Once he finally surrenders, he is no longer resisting but on the contrary, welcoming more torture: “please, punish me more, Goddess!”

BDSM is a psychodynamic psychotherapy where we live out all of our mystic characters. With consent and awareness this kind of cruelty and power exchange can lead us past our conditioning to a beautiful place of peace and serenity. This is where we find a paradox wherein weakness becomes power and vice versa. This is where kinky and sacred intersect.

Written by reneetrevi

Your journey with Ms Renee so far has been a combination of our fantasies – mine and yours.

It has been a great journey, as I got a chance to rejoice in my feminine power and learn a lot about the dynamics of SM play. Over the years, I took many of my regulars quite far, and felt proud of it. I still do. But now there’s more. More that I can give you, more that I can show you. But only if you’re ready.

I know what you’re longing for. I understand that everybody needs an outlet, everybody needs a way to live out their fantasies and obtain some release from this crazy and challenging world. I understand your desire for a hot young woman to play a role that takes you out of your usual identity, but I can see that your release is temporary and that you are left craving more. As I took many of my regulars to extreme levels of pain and humiliation, many kept asking for more and more. It felt as if I’m a drug dealer, who constantly had to deliver higher and higher doses.

This style of domination has grown unsatisfying. I don’t feel that I am giving you what you really need when I agree to this or to last-minute hastily put-together sessions. The same is true of sessions that become dominated by the client’s scripted obsessions. I’d rather conduct sessions that stem from my greater sense of the client’s need and I’m now committed to disregarding my financial interests in favor of achieving that.

As many of you know, I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Eastern world, exploring spirituality and meditation. I’ve understood that sexual and spiritual issues are often linked. I’d like to introduce a more therapeutic, more spiritual approach in connection to BDSM play. Which, ultimately, is what BDSM was meant to be.

We can still play, but I’m changing the rules. And you can either continue to play with me or you can choose to leave, but I’m going to change the play according to my vision. I’d like to see those who are willing to completely surrender. There will be no clear plan for the session – this will allow me to co-create with the moment and be very spontaneous.

I’m willing to play as long as it’s coming from and pointing to something deeper. So if we’re going to play out your fantasy, we’re also going to look at what’s hidden in it. I like to invite you to a deeper subspace, accessing the edge of your vulnerability. I’m willing to go to the root of your longing, instead of continuing to feed your sex fantasy on a surface level.

This play is going to be along the lines of what really has a core value in it. So I’m asking each and everyone of you to take a look, really deeply… what is it what you actually want of this, what nourishes your deepest need, your deepest calling, in this exchange that we have. I’m asking you to take a deeper look at what in you is that longing to be filled? I have no doubt that these questions are closely related to your kink and therefore invite you to inquire within for the answers.

If you’d like to see me, that means that you must be willing to surrender completely. I’m a Goddess and you must trust that you’ll be taken to the right place.

Here are the important additions to the existing rules:

• No more topping from the bottom
• No scripts
• No shopping attitude, where the sub thinks that he is in control because he is paying (“I’ll be getting this or that, otherwise I’m not getting my money’s worth” or “I pay for your services so let me choose from the menu, may be a bit of this, and a bit of that, I’m curious to try this too… “) 
• No last minute appointments – I need time to get myself into the right space for you
• No heavy/edge play, as my priorities are now different
• No cigarette play, as I don’t smoke at all these days (but we can play with an electronic cigarette)
• My clips store is now closed, I won’t be filming any more videos (unless I get inspired in the future, but it won’t be the same as before)
  
• If you want to submit, send me a proper letter where you explain why I should accept you.  It must be a letter from the subspace, begging for submission, briefly explaining your fantasy. I’d like to know about your hopes and expectations. It must be written in a humble, sincere and respectful manner. There must be a feeling of intention to submit completely, otherwise I won’t bother accepting you. I’ll choose only humble ones and those willing to surrender and explore their fantasies.

I suggest you take a deeper look into yourself and decide whether all I presented above resonates with you.

I’m looking forward to this new chapter.

TFH: – In ancient times people worshiped women with sexual powers, but it all changed with organized religions and now mostly this is looked upon as a freaky and secret side of sex. I know firsthand how this type of sex can be a release on many energetic levels. I’d like to have you explain to our readers why this is therapeutic for most of your clients.

Renee: – It’s often therapeutic to go outside of what’s our society calls “normal”. Many of us are forced to role-play all our lives in order to fit in. “Head of a household”, “Kind and loving person”, “Successful businessman”, “Confident alpha-male”- these are the common roles that are expected from a man to be considered successful. Therefore, since early childhood, boys are told “Don’t cry! Be a man!” and basically boys are not allowed to show their weaknesses. And what we don’t express gets suppressed and awaits manifestation in one way or another, sometimes in a very disharmonious way such as confusion, aggression or depression. When men come to see me, they’re in a safe space to be themselves fully…

In case you find it interesting, please follow the link to read the full interview

http://twentyfivehundred.com/in-the-name-of-submission/

I was writing this email to share some feedback with you with respect to some of the videos you have released on your clips4sale store over the past several months.

While i have been thoroughly enjoying the spectacular content you have been releasing on your store on a regular basis, the clips you post featuring spread eagle bondage and/or sensual teasing / trampling with you feet compelled me to write and share what a fantastic job i believe you’re doing. Videos like the recent ‘Heavy Ball Punching’, ‘Merciless Ballbusting by a sensual Mistress’, Endless Smothering for my Pet’, ‘Bound and Abused’ have all served to provide me with endless entertainment and allow me to appreciate something new about your unique style every time upon repeated viewings.

Your seductive, exotic voice always compliments the atmosphere of the video and the bondage in all your videos is simply a plus as is the way you always appear immaculately groomed and appropriately dressed for the scene. I absolutely went bonkers over the youtube video you just released; so subtle and well-handled featuring the perfect blend of suggestive play to drive any sub crazy.

Wishing you good health and a wonderful holiday season!

Best Regards,

xxx

It took a lot of inspiration to create this one, and now I’m very much satisfied with the result. What do you think?

I’ve always loved provoking people; specially those, narrow-minded ones who think they know how the  world is supposed to be. Those with some precise ideas about how women are supposed to behave, how to act when in a relationship, what to wear to fit the society.

Such people exist everywhere, but I must admit that the majority of the population of my home town in Russia, are like that. It was definitely not easy growing up there, as I never quite fit. I wanted to practice extreme sports, and dress not like everyone else. While all my classmates wanted to get married and have kids, my dream was to travel the world and see faraway places. Not to mention BDSM – it was, and still is, a huge taboo. I always knew that my sexuality is somewhat different, but I couldn’t even share it with anyone as I was afraid to get judged.

As a child, I was bullied in school for being a bit strange, and I knew that I’d find a way to pay back later on in life, but not by doing nasty things. Instead,  I just wanted to provoke them by the fact that my crazy way of living my life has a place for existence.

The first thing that I did was The Naked Jump. I started skydiving way back in Russia, as a part of military organization. It was a very strict and conservative place. They were constantly trying to discipline me by telling me to dress in a less revealing way and not flirting with guys around me.  When I decided to move to US, I really wanted to do something majorly “wrong” right before leaving. I got in the airplane all dressed up to skydive, but quickly took off my clothes on a way up, and skydived completely naked with a few guys who came along. I was the first woman to do something like that there and everyone was just shocked to see me landing with no clothes on. I remember how these older women, while hiding their husbands from looking at me, were screaming: ‘what a whore! Get out of here and never come back!” And I was just laughing, knowing that some better places were waiting for me, and that indeed  I won’t ever be back.

Now, I just found another way to provoke the mainstream crowd of my hometown. I gave an interview to a popular local magazine. I told them all about my life and my relation to BDSM. I shared all my love and passion to my work in that interview and I knew that there would be mobs with torches and pitchforks after me.

Once the September issue came out, with me on the cover, there were lots of complaints. As I expected, many people shared on local forums that they were shocked to see me shamelessly describing how I enjoy practicing such a taboo work. Many of them were angry, denouncing me for my “sins” and calling me names.

However, that only made me happy!  Why? Because deep down inside, many people have some abnormalities, darkness, or kink. We are all taught to be normal and to follow trends of society, to conform, and most of us found that blending in is the easiest way to be accepted. However, these strange dreams and desires most of us have, are still there, hidden, asleep, just waiting for a moment when it’s safe to be exposed. However, it’s hard to explore your weirdness when everyone else is so normal, so average.

By showing myself as an example, my wish is to motivate people. To get them to think: “Hey, if she wasn’t afraid to do all these crazy things, why can’t I do it? Maybe I can explore my kink or climb mount Everest, despite my peers calling me stupid?”  I’d love to suggest to people in some less open-minded places there is a way to dare to be different, and to eventually succeed.

Here is the full version of my interview – in case you read Russian or using google translate

http://issuu.com/cult_person/docs/cult_person_9/0