Couples Session – Decoding the Kinky Mind

“In most cases I’ve found that those who think they rarely or never fantasize are similar to people who don’t remember dreaming. They’re simply not in the habit of paying sufficiently close attention” J. Morin, Erotic Mind.


It would not be an exaggeration to say that my clients’ willingness to reveal what most people prefer to keep hidden has made it possible for me to develop an entirely new way of understanding erotic life as such. As my new vision of eroticism grew deeper, wider and evermore enlightened, my fascination with kink has only deepened and, as with all wonderful and enlightening things one discovers, it is difficult to keep to oneself. I’ve grown more and more inspired to share this knowledge, which I feel is everyone’s birthright, with others.

It’s easy to share it with my submissives, as they already have an inherent attraction to and curiosity towards it. Still, no matter how experienced they are, it seems that I can always guide them towards more richness and depth of play. Win-win. But as I delved deeper into this realm and became increasingly proficient in it, a question emerged from somewhere in the back of my mind – sure my clients can be guided into a richer and deeper version of kink, but…is it possible to understand– and even fall in love with– kink when one has no natural inclination towards it, but only a curiosity at best? Isn’t it like art, which is hard to explain – one looks at it and either likes it or not? Or…can one be taught to appreciate kink the way one can be taught to appreciate a wider variety of art? Hm…

As far as art goes, it has been my experience that it can in fact be explained – not by means of logic, but with analogies. If I felt or experienced something that someone did not, one way of sharing the experience would be by suggesting an analogy. A small similarity of perception or interpretation, once understood, becomes a bridge, which will be like an initiation. A familiar feeling is triggered, and now the newcomer is curious to dive deeper. In a similar way, I wondered whether it’s possible to initiate someone into kink. Of course I am not talking about some superficial “50 Shades of Grey” version of it, you should know me better than that by now, but rather about the deeply meaningful, tantric kink that I am so in love with. There are so many misconceptions about kink in the so-called vanilla world, I figured, why not spread the word about the beauty that I have been lucky to discover?

Shortly afterwards, I was given the opportunity to try this. A submissive man I worked with wanted very much to introduce his reluctant wife to kink, and invited me to assist him. This was a privilege – to be given the chance to work on a couple’s most intimate relationship. It was also my opportunity to try and build this bridge I was thinking about. You see, the man is fond of submission, feminization, lingerie, and has a nylon fetish. It isn’t uncommon by any means, but his wife did not seem to share his passion, which is not uncommon either. Fortunately, however, she was open-minded enough and thus willing to give it a try for the sake of the man she loves and herself. She did not assume that she would grow to like it, but she had it in her heart to want to understand more about it.

So I took the initiative and began to share my vision, with all of my enthusiasm. I began by explaining that kink is healthy: the great psychoanalyst Carl Jung believed that to achieve psychological wholeness and maturity, each person must come to terms with what he called “the shadow” – the least acceptable, socially denied aspects of our selves. Lustful attraction is likely to take a destructive turn when it is banished into a dark corner. Therefore, a healthier alternative is its acceptance and curiosity about it.

“Take a closer look at a peak turn-on and you’ll undoubtedly sense that
something close to the core of your being has been touched.” J. Morin,
Erotic Mind.

And thus, appreciating the mysteries of Eros requires a new point of view. It requires traveling the short distance from labeling to curiosity, from shutting the door to looking through the peephole. Of course going about discarding one’s prejudices alone can be tricky, it’s nice to have help. In this case, my explanation helped this lovely woman to to put all of her “weird pervert” labels aside for a moment, at least long enough to follow our exploration further along. No less importantly, she was able to appreciate and honor the fact that her man trusted her enough to share his secret persona which nobody else had seen.

So here we were, our submissive undressed, exposed, helplessly restrained, and blindfolded. He quickly became extremely excited and began to express his feelings: “I love being helpless and used by you. I can’t see you, and I imagine that you are looking at me examining my body, playing with my nipples and genitals, touching and prodding everywhere, I’m completely at your mercy” he shared. I saw that his wife was perplexed by this fantasy, and so I gently explained: “He enjoys the freedom to experience the dark side of himself. You see, it’s indeed a great relief and liberation to be rendered powerless, to entirely give up, and become contained within our dominant control. We are now the acting subjects while he is the object of all of our attention, experiencing pleasure. He enjoys not having any control, as it contrasts with his everyday life, which is filled with the responsibilities of a high-stress job and fatherhood. Men are usually expected to be dominant in life, and now he has a chance to be coddled, to be the center of attention, only as an enthusiastic bottom, feeling “chosen” and very special.”

The man continued, “I enjoy being so helpless…and you are both torturing me, whipping me mercilessly”. I went on commenting: “Things that normally hurt can feel terrific when you’re excited. Through submission and pain, he seeks to rouse this hidden self and feel fully alive”. He went on, “I fantasize that you put sexy lingerie on me, and give me a girl’s name.” Catching her disapproval as she heard it, I went on enthusiastically: “His lingerie and nylons offer him a compelling focal point for his fascination with women and femininity. Fetish objects such as lingerie and nylons, become erotic cues that provide a pinpoint focus for his arousal”. The man continued while looking extremely aroused and ecstatic, “I’m afraid that you might decide to hurt me or push me somewhere I don’t want to go.” And I translated: “Fear intensifies his arousal. Our bodies respond similarly to anxiety and to sexual arousal. When highly aroused, all of his emotions are part of a larger whole in which concepts of “negative” and “positive” become meaningless. Also notice how fluid these emotions are, how rapidly they transmute from fear into excitement, from tears to laughter, from hatred to passionate love. But keep in mind, depending on the situation and the individuals involved, anxiety is either an anti- aphrodisiac or an aphrodisiac, and sometimes even both.”

This lesson was the beginning of this woman’s gradual initiation into the world of kink. Practical steps and technical lessons followed, but I find that attitude, intention, and curiosity to explore are most significant. Once she started to grasp the implications of her husband’s kinky fantasies, she became more enthusiastic to better appreciate the richness and complexity of humans beings’ erotic minds. The fantasies he described were not as straightforward, it turned out, as they had initially appeared. When one looks deeper into such fantasies and shares them with open-minded listeners, not only does it become possible to be deeply understood, but also to inspire others to explore their own fantasies. At the beginning of our interaction the woman was certain that she didn’t have any sexual fantasies. However, the most recent update I got from this couple was her discovery that, once she imagined a certain situation, her arousal would intensify – quite impressive for someone who didn’t fantasize, don’t you think….

One Awful Submissive*

*Published with permission from the subject of this post
Somehow I’m wired to look for best in people, including my submissives. I understand that nobody is perfect, and do my best to focus on good qualities. When it comes to training my submissives, I look for potential. Of course, it seems to be a good idea to become a zero tolerance kind of Domme, the one who only accepts ideal slaves, those ready to surrender 100% and treat me like a Goddess. However in real world I don’t like to dismiss people as “defective”, I like to give them a chance, I like to find understanding, connection, and teach them to be better submissives. Unfortunately, it fails most times.

Here is an example of one terrible submissive whom I recently fired. Let’s call him golfo. I met golfo over a year ago and from our first session it was very clear that he was an entirely ignorant sub. Ignorant in a very pathetic, silly way, wScreen Shot 2017-05-03 at 8.32.48 AMhich made me laugh a lot during our first times together.

He confessed that he liked watching BDSM porn and listed all the activities that turned him on. And as it usually happens, he couldn’t do 90% of things he listed. I already felt like it’s a red flag – I mean, how smart should one be to figure out that a single tail would be rather painful? Yet he assumed that his pain tolerance is already high and requested a strict, sadistic approach, with single tail being an important tool for discipline. As it was a multiple hour playtime, we tried many things during out first session, and he was resistant towards all of it – he complained that a chastity device was too tight, he couldn’t take any pain, he was getting exhausted and overwhelmed almost instantly. When I sent him to get me some dinner, he begged to pleasure himself. He was very bossy and needy, and couldn’t let go of the pleasure-seeking agenda he had in mind after watching a ton of BDSM porn.

Afterwards I explained to him all the things I wasn’t happy with, but unfortunately it got only worse – he constantly bombarded me with emails, demanding an immediate reply, which felt rather hysterical. He used to write a long description of some ideas he had in mind for a session, have me focus on it to give him a feedback, only to dismiss it and change it into something entirely different.
I was patient till he rescheduled our well-planned multiple-hour appointments twice in a row, and I explained to him that I couldn’t deal with so much crap anymore.

However, at the end of the year he apologized for everything and promised to improve. After a few short and humble emails, together with some nice Christmas gifts, he begged me to teach him the art of submission, so I decided to give him another chance.

I kept on toiling, while feeling like a mother teaching her child not to be naughty. Thank god I’m not actually a mother, as it’s much easier to fire a slave.

I told golfo that in order to be a good sub, he must get over his self-indulgence and stop thinking about things he’d rather do to get the result he wants. This socially conditioned formula never works when it comes to the art of ultimate submission. He believed that by doing this and this (something he saw on internet), you will receive that and that (he’ll be allowed to sleep in my cage overnight), and this particular pleasant result will happen (he’ll have an unforgettable experience). Moreover, he’d be very attached to the result, trying so hard to get it, over and over again. That would make him tense up, and that would make me tense up and annoy me as hell. I would feel as a tool for his limited pleasure addiction, which is clearly not my role.

On the contrary, when one is very clear about his desire to surrender and be of service, the flow from his Domme becomes very clear and satisfying. So I explained to him that his desire to surrender, respect, and adore must be clearly seen through in his emails (they must be brief, on point, respectful, with a clear attitude of submission), as well as in his appointment etiquette (must honor my time and business) and of course during play time (trust, surrender, presence, humbleness, obedience and gratitude). It’s very important to let go of expectations for pleasure – I told him that he doesn’t see me to have a brightest ever explosion at the end. In my session, I don’t always allow my submissive to pleasure themselves. In fact, most of the time I don’t – it’s a good test of their integrity as submissives.

“Getting a result is good for your ego, but true giving is good for your heart. It satisfies in a very sweet and real way” B. Martin, Wheel of Consent

Basically, submission is a path of letting go of one’s ego – that’s where true bliss resides, for both dominant and submissive.

So I invested a fair amount of time and emotional labor into this one. We had a couple of fairly successful sessions, which happened when I threatened him with ostracism. I felt optimistic about him – I saw that he was capable of it. I gave him a test at being a personal submissive (he’s been craving to be my personal sub from the very beginning) where he got to try some cleaning assignments and various errands. He really begged for it for a while. You guessed it: he failed magnificently! Imagine you hired someone to do the work for you, but you actually do more work correcting and micromanaging them at every stage! This ends up being more exhausting than just doing the work yourself. For instance, when asked to clean mirrors in my apartment, he cleaned only one mirror, and when asked to buy certain number of certain candles, he’s bring me a different quantity of wrong candles, and he couldn’t even bring me a cup of hot tea: the water was room temperature! And afterwards, as golfo reminded me of the experience as a major favor from him, feeling entitled to some goodies.
Yes, “entitled” is a key word to being a failure at submitting. He constantly felt entitled, and I constantly had to explain to him that he was not the boss. Basically, he ended up repeating some old patterns of bombarding me with too many messages, having too many cancellations due to “emergencies” and even haggling over my rate, as he found himself entitled to a better rate because he did a lot of “selfless service work”. What a cheek! As much as hate the phrase, I had to tell him, “You’re FIRED!”

Here is a story of a major failure which may be useful for many submissives as an example of what it means to be terrible at it. Although I like the idea of connecting to different kinds of submissives who are willing to learn, and not to dismiss anyone as “defective”, these days I realize that unfortunately, some are doomed to fail and are not worthy of my time. Just like many Dommes I look up to, I’d rather spend my time with those who don’t need to learn baby steps, but already did their homework and realize what the true submission is all about.

The good news is, that right after these recent stressful times with golfo I met another submissive, who ended up being an amazing example of the sub I truly wish to see as often as possible, both for sessions and personal services. Stay tuned as my next post will be about him! 🙂

Tantric BDSM

”One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious.” ~ Carl Jung~



When I wrote “New Direction” a year ago I spoke about how exhausted I was by my old style of domination, which felt like a form of escapism for my clients. I felt that there is potentially so much more to it and decided to try something different. The topic of tantric BDSM emerged as an answer to a question that I’d had in the back of my mind for a while and the year 2016 signified a major turning point in my career.

When I started this new path, I wasn’t sure exactly how I’m going to achieve it and precisely where it was going to lead me, but it felt authentic and therefore inevitable. After more than a year of following this calling, I’m ready to share how this transformation happened and the philosophy I operate from. Here are some insights that I hope you’ll find intriguing.

It all started with intention

The intention to find more depth and honesty in my practice for both me and my clients was enough to bring about a transformation in my sessions. Intention has incredible power. As soon as I made it, reality followed suite. I started seeing only like-minded clients. In my sessions I began to allow myself to rely more heavily on intuition which I’d access through presence and spontaneity. I changed my slogan to “The Power of Ultimate Surrender” and began to build a client base of those who seek to give up control completely – to have a more genuine submissive experience.

I still love seeing fetishists who are interested in milder, pleasure-oriented sessions, as long as they’re nice people. It’s fun to have my feet worshipped or my shoes licked, or play with a good sub. But, my major focus—where the real work is and where the real magic happens—is on Ultimate Surrender play. It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it, it’s sexy as hell to tap into a person’s deep self.

All this did not just come out of nowhere. My career as a dominatrix came naturally to meet my spiritual practices. I suppose this was inevitable, as I take both of these things very seriously. I am passionate about my work and, as many of you know by now, I am also deeply passionate about spirituality, tantra, self-inquiry and meditation.

For the past year I took this new direction on faith, not knowing precisely what the interweaving of these two paths would ultimately look like. I did know that I no longer wanted sessions that remained on the surface or, worse yet, encouraged a mere addiction to pleasure. And I had an important question I wanted answered: how do I give to my clients something deeper, more mutually revealing that leads to true freedom? This year has brought me closer and closer to an answer.

Tantric approach

The answer is: a tantric approach to BDSM. Mainstream stereotypes about tantra imagine blissful sex and hour-long orgasms. As I have studied the tantric approach to spirituality and sexuality for a while now, I want to share with you that tantra is way, way more than that.htmlimage-4

Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means ‘woven together.’ It uses the sexual union as a metaphor for the weaving together of the physical and the spiritual – weaving man to woman and humanity to the divine. Many religions separate the (sinful, unrefined, evil) material world from the (pure, refined, and good) spiritual world. Tantra, however, assumes that everything is already divine and that we don’t have to escape the material world in order to discover our true divine nature.

In tantra we delve deeper into our desires through asking self-inquiry questions. For example, a closer look at our desire for human connection might reveal that it is really a desire for connection with something greater, a higher power. Tantra is actually not about sex. Yes, it can be practiced within the sexual context, but at its core it’s about brining awareness and richness into our all our activities, including BDSM.

Bringing Tantra to the BDSM world

I have always deeply honored my clients’ fantasies, no matter how strange they might sound. Attractions that strike a deep inner chord do so because of a mysterious and complex inner resonance, and therefore should be honored. Being brave enough to look into denied aspects and to find safe outlets for them lets people integrate their suppressed parts. I truly enjoy taking BDSM past the boundaries of pleasure-seeking and towards expanded consciousness. Here are a few key points on how this is done, useful for both dominant and submissive participants to know.

  • Trusting yourself. Few of us have been taught that we can be trusted in the erotic realm – quite the opposite. When we were little, we were encouraged by a variety of subtle and explicit messages to be on guard of our eroticism even as it was developing. Understandably, as adults we often feel uncomfortable about examining the content and meaning of our turn-ons. But this attitude very much restricts your vision. It gives much better results if you acknowledge your feelings but stay patient with yourself. Discomfort with one’s sexuality can take years to build up and can’t be expected to change overnight. You might discover that it doesn’t need to be changed at all, or that it can be transformed into something amazing. But for this to happen, brutal honesty with oneself is an important prerequisite. So make a commitment to keep digging deeper in this direction and trust your fantasies.
  • Intention for the session. We all know about self-fulfilling prophecies. Well, they work here too. The intention you set will determine what you get out of your session. For instance, coming in with the thought “I’d like get as much pleasure as my money can buy” puts you on a route to neediness and addiction, and to sessions that stay very much on the surface. Whereas, take the thought ”I’d like to expand my ability to let go of control, experience how safe it is to be vulnerable and to see  if it can bring me a more fulfilling experience.” Much deeper, isn’t it? Other examples of simple but refined intentions are: “I’d like to use my passion for kink in order to access deeper levels of relaxation and release” or “I’d like to learn how to be intuitive and trust my play partner.” Creating a more refined intention facilitates deeper levels of surrender and growth.
  • Awareness and emptying out. “You have to be totally empty in order to experience things the way they are, otherwise it’s only your opinion of things.” ~Mooji~    In order to tune out from the busy world out there, I find it helpful to state my wish to leave the past, the future, self-identifications, and the drama of the world outside of the session room. Afterwards, I like to breathe a bit louder in order to easily focus on the breath, which is a great portal into a present-moment awareness. This awareness makes it possible to truly feel my submissive intuitively. I often like to start a session with this little ritual, it’s very fruitful when my sub and I both do it together. As long as I’m deeply tuned into the present moment and keep my submissive there, we can access much deeper realms of reality, so-called altered states of consciousness, which bring deeper relaxation, insights and even a very healing space beyond pleasure and pain.
  • Surrender. For both dominant and submissive. My submissive surrenders to me and allows anything to happen, while I surrender to the Great Unknown. We have to be willing to screw things up a little. Otherwise we can’t truly stay present and let the session unfold spontaneously. Instead of chasing some bliss or another, we leave our perfectionism and planning outside the room and create a space for safe surrender. Real surrender is a state of vulnerability. And a vulnerable space is far more conducive to growth and pleasure than a well-protected one.

Challenges for the submissive

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.” ~ Carl Jung ~

It all sounds like like fun, doesn’t it? However, the tantric path has its own challenges, and it’s better if I mention a few to have you come prepared.

  • Getting our of your comfort zone and meeting yourself.  Together with bliss and insights, be prepared to see everything that you’ve repressed, such as emotions, fantasies, or traumatic experiences. It’s obvious that one has to face all the skeletons in the closet in order to become free from them. Be prepared to become even more vulnerable than you planned to be. Many find it challenging to fall to pieces and to act out all the emotions, but it always turns out to be a very healing experience for those who do.
  • Getting lost in pleasure. Some experiences of altered states of consciousness can be so blissful that it’s easy to lose sight of things. Some people lose sight of the greater goal of self-liberation and start “chasing the high” in an expectant or manipulative way. Others try to replace all their other everyday pleasures with it. This addictive behavior is a major trap. Nothing takes you further away from experiencing bliss than a blind attachment to bliss.
  • Having this resonate in life outside of kink. Expanding consciousness has a way of changing things – ultimately, I believe, for the better, but often not before shaking everything up. Deep, honest self-discovery through play can affect your entire person. Which will in turn affect the way you see many aspects of your life and your role in them. While awesome and satisfying, this isn’t necessarily easy.

The path less traveled

The erotic manifestations of our “shadow” hold the key to the whole self, as opposed to the limited self to which most of us have become accustomed. As our  sessions deepen, there are new possibilities for ecstasy and discovery. The fact that we can use our kinky play to create something beautiful and meaningful is immensely inspiring to me. Through this new direction in my work, I feel more intimately connected with my clients which allows me to take them on a journey that is far more authentic and rewarding for both of us.


She took me to a place where I have never been before.

This is a feedback from a client after our recent session

Last night was my first session with Goddess Renee. It was also my first time in a dungeon. My experience with BDSM was limited to fetish out calls.

When I first saw her, my mind and other parts in my body jumped out of joy and expectations about the pleasure I will get. She is literally awesomeness.
The night before. I met another girl who did exactly what I asked her to do giving me a great pleasure. I literally spent 90 minutes in what I thought heaven . I got trampled, smothered, and humiliated and cleaned the bottoms of her 10 pairs of shoes, finally I cum with her bare feet smashing my face.
I expected the session with Goddess Renee to be even more awesome, AND to go as I planned and expected. Little did I knew!!
Goddess Renee asked me about what I like to do, then she told me to stop talking, resisting or expecting….
She started to torture me in her own way. She wouldn’t let me do anything I asked or expected. “It is not about you anymore, slave.. Shut up and take whatever I please to do to you”. She said.
I was handcuffed and blindfolded folded with her experience my pain tolerance on my nipples and balls. I was totally not enjoying it. I asked her to stop. I thought that night will not go as planned and I have wasted my time and money.
When she noticed my resistance, she explained to me that I had to earn worshipping her, and again, it is about her pleasure not mine.
Few minutes later, I lost all my power, expectations, and dignity. I surrendered to her completely without any reason that I could understand.
She rewarded me with some worship of shoes and feet, some trampling and spitting. But mostly I spent time doing things that pleased her, not me.
For the first time in my life, I felt the girl I paid money to dominate me actually enjoying to dominate and actually has expectations.
She enjoyed walking over my face and balls in a violent way that no girl ever dared to do to me before. She laughed a lot having me kissing the floor under her feet walking all over the room, massaging her feet, and god she enjoyed her heals digging into my nipples.

I was not enjoying all of that, but gradually, I started feeling something beyond enjoyment. I felt good when she enjoyed.

Coming to the end of the session, she asked me what I saw the craziest thing ever. She asked me to have an orgazem fucking the floor!!!!

I was like what??!!! I totally said in my mind that it is an end to a bad session. I will never do that, get dressed and leave immediately, and never see her again.

But.. Without any reason, I didn’t. I started fucking the floor while licking her shoes and being verbally abused, and I actually cum !!!

This session was a unique experience. I never expected in my wildest dreams to become that humiliated. Goddess Renee truly taught me what true submission is..
For me loving to be humiliated by hot ladies, I only experienced level 1  humiliation. This is when you just do so many humiliating that you like doing like licking shoes for example..
Level 2 is to do something humiliating against your will.
Level 3 is doing something humiliating against your will AND feel good about doing it….
It is something beyond physical attraction or even love. It is something divine. It is completely losing your power and surrender to a higher one.
Leaving her yesterday, I thought I am not likely to come back. But the session and what happened are stuck in my mind since then. I can’t stop thinking about it. She took me to a place that I have never went before. She humiliated me and owned me in a way that no one ever did to me.
Somehow I want to worship her. Continue to please her. Some how I want to serve her more without any explanations. Some how she owned my entire self. I’d do anything for her pleasure if she demands. I want to see her again and again. With no expectations at all. Without any red lines. I would let her do anything to me.
Maybe this is what we all search for. A higher power to submit to. I do believe in God. Maybe this is the way God wants us to worship? Complete surrender?
 But maybe we need to actually feel that way to a human being to know God and feel him better.

Altered States of Consciousness

Recently I’ve been asked by many what I enjoy the most about kink. My answer was that it varies, I enjoy different things at different times with different partners.

However, when I got a chance to spend some time alone while traveling in India, I was able to dig deeper into myself and find a more specific, genuine answer: I search for alternative states of consciousness.

Since I was a teenager, I have hated shallow conversations and small talk. I have always been craving the deepest truth about things, while surface conversations felt like a waste of time. I couldn’t stand American corporate culture during my office years, it was one of the many reasons why I finally quit it.

Once I engaged in kink, I saw it as a great opportunity to engage deeper with people.

There are many reasons to pursue altered states of consciousness: relaxation, hyper-focus on a sensation, reaching sub/top space, feeling emotions fully, having a wild ride, seeking change, personal identity work, healing, embracing our authentic self, trusting our instincts, and so on. How many of us don’t get enough of this in our lives?

So if this topic is of interest to you, let me share some insights on what it takes to create a perfect journey for both of us!

1. Negotiation. 

This is where it all starts – building trust.

I believe there are two major components – proper communication, and surrender. Each is challenging in its own way.

Negotiation is a key for safe, satisfactory, and extraordinary experience for everyone involved. For me as a Domme, it is necessary to understand desires and fantasies of my submissives, their mental and emotional state, physical health, hard limits, experience, etc. It is also important that subs do their homework to get to know the same info about me. I don’t like seeing new subs who wanted to see just any Domme, or “that hot chick in a photo”. I want them to read my blog and really choose me.

I like to ask my submissives why they want to do it. The most common answer I hear is “because it’s fun!”. I ask to dig deeper and see what’s there behind this “fun”, and if there is any curiosity to find out.

Not everyone comes to these practices for the same reasons, so for me it’s important to find out the primary motivation in order to establish proper connection with a client.

2. Surrender. 

After the negotiation is over, it’s time to step out of our day-to-day analytical mind and surrender. This demands vulnerability. It is scary, but since one is called to be a sub, there is a great potential to make it happen. If my sub is unwilling to surrender, I have little power to make him vulnerable.  My power only extends as far as does my sub’s willingness to be vulnerable. In other words, to let me in, you have to bring your guard down. A sub must be able to come forward naked and ready to obey.

There comes a moment when a submissive finds himself raw, exposed, unguarded, defenseless. Many subs are scared of losing control in this surrender. That, however, is the whole point! Once it happens, one finds that nothing important is lost, but a great sense of relaxation, trust, awareness and profound bliss are found.

Of course, it takes great courage to completely and irrationally trust someone. There is always some fear – fear of journey with no map, fear of no longer having “my way”, fear of not being good enough. It is completely OK to have fear and not to be perfect, and this takes me to the next point.


3. Authenticity. 

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being authentic.

I often explain to my submissives that no judgements/planning/manipulation are allowed during my sessions. The only freedom they have is freedom to express emotions: tears, laughter, screaming, and so on. I explain that emotions are a part of our authenticity, while mental judgements derive from our fears and social conditioning.

Becoming authentic is how the soul shows itself. Embracing our authentic self means trusting our instincts and sharing our feelings. It is removing the clutter, clearing away the debris and knowing ourselves.

I challenge my submissives to look into themselves, their dark places, as well as blissful ones, as all are important.

4. Let go of the agenda.

“Instead of chasing bliss, consider learning to become a vessel for bliss to reside in” 

— Lee Harrington, “Sacred Kink”.

If you’re thinking about what might come, most likely it will never show up.

I must admit that for me as a Guide, it took a while to realize the importance of letting go of a direct agenda of what should happen. These days, I like to have all tools available in a room, stay present and let my intuition guide me.

In my experience, I noticed a very common pattern: submissives who once had a  profound cathartic experience expect it to happen again the same way, or even better. This is a sure path to disappointment. I had to dismiss a few of my clients because they couldn’t give up their expectations, which wasn’t contributing to a rewarding experience for either of us.

There is no way to know each and every time you engage in a play, that you will have a profound experience. Spiritual moments don’t follow linear logical patterns, but there are skills to develop which will aid to success.

The first one is learning to surrender to the experience without analyzing it while it’s happening. Going back into your analytical brain is one of the quickest ways to stop an altered state.

The next skill is becoming fully committed to receiving, or saying “Yes!” to a journey of joyful surrender.

Sometimes the experience wanted by an active mind of a submissive is not what will serve best in the moment or in the long term.

It is important to remember: just because it wasn’t a profound experience, doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good trip. You (or your Domme) did not “do it wrong”. In fact, you may have done it just right, had a fun evening and gained some feedback for next time!

5. Aftercare.

I must confess that I hate seeing my submissives rushing to check their phones and out of the dungeon to work right after an intense inner journey. Unfortunately, that’s often the case as many of my clients are very busy business people, allocating only an hour of their lunchtime for our play.

That’s one of the reasons I prefer longer sessions – this allows time for communication beforehand and unrushed transitions from introduction to session to aftercare.

I find aftercare to be an important transition to a grounded place after engaging in a scene. The needs of individuals, however, vary dramatically. Some need a glass of water, shower, or a hug, others want a deeper processing and talking it out, some prefer spending time alone contemplating. I find it important not to rush out after the scene and have time for assistance coming “back” or getting out of altered states of consciousness. I understand that this work is not a light undertaking for anyone involved and can have effects for days to come or even years. I do my best to be emotionally available after guiding someone into a deep inner journey, and like to follow up the next day.

I can’t force someone into being gentle with oneself after a deep experience. I can just share what years in the scene showed me: the value of the experience diminishes if one rushes into a busy life without allowing some time for relaxation and contemplation.


By breaking the boundaries of ordinary reality through our explorations of kink, we have the power to step out of normal and into the altered, extraordinary. Dungeon culture prioritizes acceptance of all people, feminine power, beauty, safety and pleasure. Kink gives opportunities for different frames of reference, with a potential to having an epiphany about life.

I enjoy my work, there is so much joy in seeing individuals find fragments of themselves in the shadows of my dungeon. There is so much to learn, for myself and for my submissives.

For me, it’s not about the tools I use or fetishes I get to explore, but the intent that is put behind it.

As I shifted the focus of my sessions into conscious exploration of our shadow selves and facilitation of altered states of consciousness, I realized that not everyone is capable to be my submissive. I’ve made it clear that topping from the bottom or any kind of manipulation is not allowed, however many new clients bring along some other socially inherited qualities which are not productive. The common ones are expectation of too much pleasure, inability to leave aside analytical mind or emotional inaccessibility. I like to be honest upfront about clients I like to see.

I enjoy being spontaneous while exploring different archetypes and leading my submissives in a less traveled direction.

My work is ever evolving. In consciously being a Domme, I’m continuously mastering my craft.

On Pain and Fear

“Men are born soft and supple; dead they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry. Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.”
Lao Tzu

There is definitely strength in weakness. Unfortunately, we’re conditioned to believe that we’ll suffer less if we hold our feelings rigidly. We’re afraid of giving in to suffering – weeping and screaming. We’re ashamed of pain because we’re taught that giving in to pain is unmanly, sissy. While a woman in tears is a socially acceptable phenomenon, men are taught to always suppress their emotions, even during the most intense moments.

Let’s look more closely at pain and suffering. Where do they start? They start with fear. The very essence of suffering is the fear of suffering itself. As an extreme sports athlete, I’m very familiar with fear. The most common question I am asked is, Aren’t you scared of jumping off a cliff? Yes, of course I’m scared! I’m terrified every single time! How do I deal with it? I transform my fear into something beautiful.

Check this out: A careful observation of sensations accompanying being scared – creepy feeling up the spine, hollow feeling in the stomach and clammy hands. That’s about it. Interesting to notice: there are same sensations when we have a very positive emotion of excitement. Same sensations, but we’re interpreting them differently because of a different context.

We cry when we are sad and we cry when we’re overwhelmed with joy. Exactly the same tears, the same physical sensations, but what a difference context makes! In fact, if you were to see your face while you experience orgasm, you wouldn’t be able to tell if you were in pleasure or in pain.

What I’m driving at is that there is a point at which fear or pain, experienced without any negative interpretation, become converted into ecstasy. Such experience becomes a way of going through subtle or extraordinary sensations which have no meaning of their own.

The profound Buddhist solution to the problem of human pain, whether it is physical or emotional, is to delve right into it. The idea is to look at unadorned reality – free of any context and preconceptions. Stop resisting pain and go to the bottom of it. Drop the mind and see reality — direct, immediate, face to face. And there is no problem.

If you interpret pain as something that is destroying you, then it’s indeed terrifying. For example, let’s consider the most painful and frightening scenario – torture. The worst part of torture is the beginning. When the victim fears that something very bad is about to happen, like there is a darkness that will defeat the light…

However, as the torture progresses, the victim’s response to it slowly changes to a kind of drunken masochistic giving in, like it’s something he cooperates with. That’s when the torturer knows that there is no point in continuing.

In the context of a BDSM session, a big part of my work is assisting my clients to access their vulnerability and guiding them through pain. A classic scenario: a powerful corporate executive, naked and bent over in an uncomfortable and helpless position. Such an internal conflict when his socially-constructed image doesn’t match his present situation! I love seeing him stripped of his dignity!

I make sure he is restrained so there is no way he can protect himself. He sees me grabbing a cane, and he’s not sure exactly how he is to be tortured. He’s scared. He is very humiliated and knows it will hurt. What he needs is to truly believe he is not in control anymore, so he can finally surrender and fly.

It is the fear of pain that cripples him. Once he stops resisting pain and drops his preconceptions, there is no more fear. In fact, he gets rock hard, which is nice physical evidence of the fact that that pain was only one step away from excitement. Once he finally surrenders, he is no longer resisting but on the contrary, welcoming more torture: “please, punish me more, Goddess!”

BDSM is a psychodynamic psychotherapy where we live out all of our mystic characters. With consent and awareness this kind of cruelty and power exchange can lead us past our conditioning to a beautiful place of peace and serenity. This is where we find a paradox wherein weakness becomes power and vice versa. This is where kinky and sacred intersect.

Written by reneetrevi

New direction

Your journey with Ms Renee so far has been a combination of our fantasies – mine and yours.

It has been a great journey, as I got a chance to rejoice in my feminine power and learn a lot about the dynamics of SM play. Over the years, I took many of my regulars quite far, and felt proud of it. I still do. But now there’s more. More that I can give you, more that I can show you. But only if you’re ready.

I know what you’re longing for. I understand that everybody needs an outlet, everybody needs a way to live out their fantasies and obtain some release from this crazy and challenging world. I understand your desire for a hot young woman to play a role that takes you out of your usual identity, but I can see that your release is temporary and that you are left craving more. As I took many of my regulars to extreme levels of pain and humiliation, many kept asking for more and more. It felt as if I’m a drug dealer, who constantly had to deliver higher and higher doses.

This style of domination has grown unsatisfying. I don’t feel that I am giving you what you really need when I agree to this or to last-minute hastily put-together sessions. The same is true of sessions that become dominated by the client’s scripted obsessions. I’d rather conduct sessions that stem from my greater sense of the client’s need and I’m now committed to disregarding my financial interests in favor of achieving that.

As many of you know, I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Eastern world, exploring spirituality and meditation. I’ve understood that sexual and spiritual issues are often linked. I’d like to introduce a more therapeutic, more spiritual approach in connection to BDSM play. Which, ultimately, is what BDSM was meant to be.

We can still play, but I’m changing the rules. And you can either continue to play with me or you can choose to leave, but I’m going to change the play according to my vision. I’d like to see those who are willing to completely surrender. There will be no clear plan for the session – this will allow me to co-create with the moment and be very spontaneous.

I’m willing to play as long as it’s coming from and pointing to something deeper. So if we’re going to play out your fantasy, we’re also going to look at what’s hidden in it. I like to invite you to a deeper subspace, accessing the edge of your vulnerability. I’m willing to go to the root of your longing, instead of continuing to feed your sex fantasy on a surface level.

This play is going to be along the lines of what really has a core value in it. So I’m asking each and everyone of you to take a look, really deeply… what is it what you actually want of this, what nourishes your deepest need, your deepest calling, in this exchange that we have. I’m asking you to take a deeper look at what in you is that longing to be filled? I have no doubt that these questions are closely related to your kink and therefore invite you to inquire within for the answers.

If you’d like to see me, that means that you must be willing to surrender completely. I’m a Goddess and you must trust that you’ll be taken to the right place.

Here are the important additions to the existing rules:

  • No more topping from the bottom
  • No scripts
  • No shopping attitude, where the sub thinks that he is in control because he is paying (“I’ll be getting this or that, otherwise I’m not getting my money’s worth” or “I pay for your services so let me choose from the menu, may be a bit of this, and a bit of that, I’m curious to try this too… “) 
  • No last minute appointments – I need time to get myself into the right space for you
  • No heavy/edge play, as my priorities are now different
  • No cigarette play, as I don’t smoke at all these days (but we can play with an electronic cigarette)
  • My clips store is now closed, I won’t be filming any more videos (unless I get inspired in the future, but it won’t be the same as before)
  • If you want to submit, send me a proper letter where you explain why I should accept you.  It must be a letter from the subspace, begging for submission, briefly explaining your fantasy. I’d like to know about your hopes and expectations. It must be written in a humble, sincere and respectful manner. There must be a feeling of intention to submit completely, otherwise I won’t bother accepting you. I’ll choose only humble ones and those willing to surrender and explore their fantasies.

I suggest you take a deeper look into yourself and decide whether all I presented above resonates with you.

I’m looking forward to this new chapter.



Bachelor Party

I think inviting strippers to bachelor party is silly. Dominatrix on the other hand, can make sure the groom is properly conditioned to serve his future wife.
I recently got invited to a bachelor party by the best man. He said that the groom was a naughty boy andScreen Shot 2015-03-31 at 3.28.40 PM definitely needed to be disciplined. I had no problem with that, and since they celebrated in a bar not far from my play space, I told him to drop the groom off at my dungeon and pick him up in an hour.
Oh what a surprise it was for him!  When elevator doors opened, I saw 3 guys staring at my sexy leather outfit. I asked “So, who is the naughty boy?” and I saw one of them starting to step back, almost instinctively hiding from me. Well, too late! I grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him to my room, asking him to take off all his clothes while I get ready. I closed the door and went to talk to his friends. They also looked a bit intimidated: “oh, please don’t hurt him… too much.
..”. I promised that our naughty boy would receive precisely what he deserved, no more, no less, and sent them off to the bar.
As I walked back to the room, I instantly put a collar and a leash on the naked groom who was sprawled on the floor. I pulled him by the leash towards my chair and started teaching him his first major lesson – his woman must always be his first priority. I slapped his face a couple of times to keep him focused and make sure the point goes across. I felt that he wasn’t understanding the concept to the fullest, and decided that some spanking was needed. I put him over my knee and gave him that, making sure his ass would remain sore for a while. Once he started screaming, I asked him to repeat these pledges for me: “My life’s purpose is to serve my woman”, “I will always do my best to please her”, “I will nourish and respect her at all times”, “I will not forget to bring her flowers and buy her gifts”, and so on. I used a wooden paddle for each sentence to help him memorize them. Afterwards, I decided he needed a proper puppy discipline training. I took him on a leash around the room, made him follow
my simple commands such as “sit” and “fetch”, and made him say “woof”. Finally, I set on my throne and asked him to massage my feet. They were tired after a long day of wearing high heels, and I explained to him that all women need their feet massaged at the end of every day. We wear high heels for you guys, and our feet get tired and sore, so it’s your job to constantly show your appreciation by giving us a proper foot and leg massage. Unfortunately, very few of you know how to do it properly, and this groom was a sad case, too, in the beginning. He was very much in a hurry and it took me a bit to teach him to relax, slow down, and be emotionally present when he gives a foot massage. See, guys, when you do all that, its easier for your woman to relax, too, so the massage is more effective.
I was very happy with his learning progress. He became a very humble and obedient boy, and he was constantly asking me “Am I pleasing you right, Mistress?”.  I told him to have the same attitude when it comes to pleasing his wife, and sent him back to the bar to continue partying with his friends. He was very grateful for those important lessons, although my guess is, he was standing for the remainder of the evening.

Interview to TwentyFiveHundred

Screen Shot 2015-03-19 at 1.16.28 AM

TFH: – In ancient times people worshiped women with sexual powers, but it all changed with organized religions and now mostly this is looked upon as a freaky and secret side of sex. I know firsthand how this type of sex can be a release on many energetic levels. I’d like to have you explain to our readers why this is therapeutic for most of your clients.

Renee: – It’s often therapeutic to go outside of what’s our society calls “normal”. Many of us are forced to role-play all our lives in order to fit in. “Head of a household”, “Kind and loving person”, “Successful businessman”, “Confident alpha-male”- these are the common roles that are expected from a man to be considered successful. Therefore, since early childhood, boys are told “Don’t cry! Be a man!” and basically boys are not allowed to show their weaknesses. And what we don’t express gets suppressed and awaits manifestation in one way or another, sometimes in a very disharmonious way such as confusion, aggression or depression. When men come to see me, they’re in a safe space to be themselves fully…

In case you find it interesting, please follow the link to read the full interview